


Songs of Ourselves

by CoconutMilk



Category: Billary - Fandom, Political RPF - US 20th c., Political RPF - US 21st c., Real Person Fiction
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-02 03:30:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10936068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoconutMilk/pseuds/CoconutMilk
Summary: A collection of stories about our beloved couple based on songs of love, joy, and heartbreak.





	1. Beautiful In My Eyes

October 26, 2007

 

Hillary awoke as the sunlight hit her face. She opened her eyes and looked up at her husband still sleeping. She watched him for a few seconds while he breathed softly.

 

‘He is still so handsome’ she thought.

 

She stretched and carefully untangled herself from her Bill’s arms as the realization hit her.

 

‘Oh God….

I’m sixty..

Today..

Goddamn.

Where has time gone?’

 

She sat up and let out a quiet groan while she reached for her glasses and her robe. She stood up as she tied it to her waist.

 

Cautious not to wake her husband, she walked quietly to go to the kitchen but something in the vanity mirror caught her attention.

 

‘My goodness. When did I become so old’ she thought to herself.

 

Hillary carefully examined wrinkles and lines across her face, each representing the joy, contentment, and heartbreak of her journey through life.

 

She stood in front of the mirror as her eyes darted from the lines on the sides of her eyes and forehead, the wrinkles under her cheeks and on the sides of her mouth while her hand brushed through them.

 

‘Stop it, Hillary. You can still pass for beautiful’ she assured herself.  

 

This continued on for a few more seconds until finally she stopped and sighed then headed towards the kitchen completely oblivious to the fact that she had an audience the whole time she critiqued herself physically.

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><> 

 

Hillary stood on the back porch of their rental home in the Hampton’s, cup of tea in hand. They had decided to take the weekend off the campaign trail both to recuperate and to spend her birthday together, after all, they need their Human Being Time.

 

She took in the view before her: a beautiful white sand beach, thick waves rolling in, the sun slowly rising, and the slight swaying of tree branches as the wind hit them.

 

She closed her eyes, just existing for a few moments but suddenly opened them when she heard soft music coming from inside the house.

 

_You’re my peace of mind,_

_in this crazy world._

_You’re everything I tried to find,_

_your love is a pearl._

 

She turned around and there she saw her husband, still in his pajamas with a single rose stem in hand.

 

“Bill, what is this about?” she was a little confused

 

He stood silently as he let the next few words hang in the air.

 

_You’re my Mona Lisa,_

_you’re my rainbow skies._

_My only prayer is that you realize you’ll realize,_

_You’ll always be beautiful in my eyes._

She stood there, waiting for her husband’s next move until he walked towards her slowly, still smiling.

 

_The world will turn,_

_and the seasons will change._

_And all the lessons we will learn,_

_will be beautiful and strange_

When Bill was finally within arm’s reach, he handed her the rose. She placed her cup of tea on the patio table and accepted the rose.

 

Then he reached out his hand and said, “Let’s dance.”

 

Hillary was deeply touched not only by the spontaneity of the moment but also the fact that she knew she looked far from beautiful at that very instant. Her hair a disheveled mess, her eye bags prevalent due to the grueling campaign, and she wasn’t anywhere near dressed.

 

“Darling?” he asked one more time. Finally she took his hand and he held her close as they began swaying to the music.

 

_We can laugh about it,_

_how time really flies_

_We won’t say goodbye,_

_‘cuz true love never dies_

_You’ll always be beautiful in my eyes._

She laid her head on his chest to feel the steady rhythm of his heart but also to hide her face because she felt like she was about to cry.

 

“Look at me, baby. I want to see your face.” He whispered to her.

 

She looked up at him, eyes now brimming with tears. She was deeply overwhelmed by his gesture.

They swayed for a little while longer. Bodies close, eyes on each other. Reveling in the moment, just existing. 

_You will always be beautiful in my eyes._

_The passing years will show,_

_that you will always grow_

_Ever more beautiful in my eyes._

When the music stopped, they kept swaying until Bill let go of both her hands. He took her face in his hands as the pads of his thumbs smoothed over the lines on the side of her eyes. His eyes roamed her face while he kept a smile on his.

 

He met her gaze and said, “You are so beautiful.”

 

Hillary let the tears roll down the side of face to her hair but he quickly wiped it with the back of his hands.

 

“Don’t ever think you’re any less than perfection. Because that is what you are.”

 

“Bill.” He put his index finger on her mouth.

 

“You’re beautiful, Hillary. You took my breath away when you were 24 and you still take my breath away at 60. Maybe even more.” He chuckled.

 

Hillary was about to say something but Bill tenderly kissed her. He pulled back after a few seconds but she put her hands on his nape and pulled him down once more.

 

This kiss was a little less innocent than the first. Until finally they broke apart to gasp for air as they smiled at each other. She turned around and he wrapped his arms around her. Together, they were watching the sun slowly rise above the sea.

 

“Bill?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“How did you get the music to play? Just curious.”

 

He laughed. “There was a turntable inside the house, thankfully.”

 

“Thankfully?”

 

He laughed again, “You know I can never open those CD cases.”

 

She nodded, content with his answer.

 

“And love?”

 

“Yes, honey?”

 

“Happy Birthday.”

 

-end


	2. Sign of the Times

 

_We never learn, we’ve been here before_

_Why are we always stuck and running from_

_The bullets, the bullets?_

_We never learn, we’ve been here before_

_Why are we always stuck and running from_

_Your bullets, the bullets?_

 

-

 

March 1979

 

Hillary stood in front of the sink patiently waiting for the two striped lines that will change their lives forever. She took a good look at herself on the mirror. She was so sure this time. Her period had been delayed for two weeks, her breasts were overly sensitive to the touch and her face seemed puffier than ever before. She looked down at her watch.

 

One minute to go.

 

Jesus Christ her palms were so sweaty. She didn’t really understand why she was so nervous. They have wanted this terribly for so long. Aside from pressures from both sides of their families, Bill and Hillary really did want to have children, as many as possible. Sure they loved their professional lives—he the Governor of Arkansas and she a newly promoted partner at Rose Law Firm—but there was nothing more that they wanted than to start a family. She looked at her watch again.

 

It’s time.

 

Hillary walked over to the toilet where she had neatly placed three different pregnancy kits. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She picked up the first kit.

 

_One stripe. Not pregnant._

‘No need to panic’ she thought to herself. ‘This might be an inaccurate one.’ She read the second one.

 

It simply read, _Not Pregnant_

 

She began to feel the awful, familiar feeling she had grown accustomed to these past few years every time she took a pregnancy test.

 

Only one more left but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to read it. She almost already knew what it would say but being who she was, Hillary always kept that sparkle of hope and optimism even in the worst of times.

 

‘It’s now or never’ she told herself. She looked down at the kit.

 

_Not Pregnant_

 

Hillary immediately felt the tears that sprung forth from her eyes. She was so sure this time. They had been trying non-stop the past few weeks. Even going as far as to making sure to make love on the days she was ovulating. She didn’t drink, she cut back from work and anything that might hinder a possible pregnancy. Apparently, it wasn’t enough.

 

_Will any of her efforts be enough?_

 

Aside from that she hadn’t even told Bill that she was planning on taking a pregnancy test in the hopes to surprise him with the good news. Now, she was just left with disappointment and heartache and no good news either. They were back to square one. What’s worse it that she started to feel as though motherhood was never meant to be for her and yet, she couldn’t imagine her life without any children.

 

And what about Bill? Would he leave her if he found out she was barren? She wasn’t exactly sure if he would. Whether his love for her could overcome what she couldn’t give him, she didn’t know. One thing she knew was that he could easily find a much better looking woman who can give him a home, with children. She knew Virginia wouldn’t be complaining either.

 

She put a hand to cover her mouth as she fought to stifle a sob that came ripping from her body. Her stomach was in knots, her heart was beating so fast and beads of sweat formed on her forehead. The silence in the room was deafening and she felt that it was getting smaller and smaller by the second. Plus, she knew Bill would be home soon.

 

She needed to get out of there.

 

But before she did, she took all the used kits and placed them in a plastic bag making sure that she wouldn’t leave a trace of what had occurred here. She took one last look at herself in the mirror.

 

“Straighten up.” She told herself out loud before heading out the bathroom. Throwing away not only the evidence of what had transpired there today but also the overwhelming sense of defeat and heartbreak.

 

-

 

_Just stop your crying_

_It’s a sign of the times_

_We gotta get away from here_

_We gotta get away from here_

_Just stop your crying_

_It’ll be alright_

_They told me that the end is near_

_We gotta get away from here_

-

 

Hillary sat on her side of the bed, attempting to read a book to try and distract herself as Bill climbed into bed beside her. He propped himself to face her.

 

“Hills?”

 

“Yeah?” she said, not looking up from her book.

 

“Did something happen today?” he asked with a tone of concern.

 

Bill noticed the melancholy in Hillary as soon as he arrived home from work and all throughout dinner. She barely touched her food and when he would ask her a question, she would reply with a simple yes or no without even making any eye contact.

 

Hillary should have known that he could read her better than he could read any book. She planned on keeping everything that happened to herself, at least for a while. Now, she was debating whether she should tell him the truth or make up some foolish work related excuse. She opted for the latter.

 

“Nothing. Work was just more stressful than usual.” Her face never meeting his.

 

He knew she was lying. She knew he didn’t believe her. She could never lie to him properly even if she wanted to.

 

He shook his head. “Bullshit.”

 

Silence. He tried a different tactic.

 

“Hillary please tell me what’s bothering you.” He stated sympathetically. “You know I’m not going to judge you.”

 

She sighed and looked up from her book to meet his gaze.

 

“It’s just….” she contemplated on her next few words. “I took a pregnancy test today.”

 

“And?”

 

She frowned at him and shook her head no. He knew what she meant.

 

“Well maybe that one was an inaccurate one?” He tried to console her by saying that. “There’s always a chance for inaccuracy.” Bill knew of her tendencies to blame herself for everything so he always did his best to help her take it easy.

She shook her head again.

 

“That’s the thing, Bill. I took three and they all came out negative.” Now she was crying. Again as she recalled what had happened inside the bathroom. He tried to take her in his arms but she resisted.

 

“It’s ridiculous. Why am I even crying over something I never had?” her voice cracked while she furiously wiped the tears off her face.

 

“Hillary.”

 

“No. It’s absurd. I am such a fucking mess, Bill.” She covered her face with her hands as she cried even harder. He reached out to touch her.

 

“Hills, don’t say that you know that’s not—”

 

 “What if….what if I can’t give you any children?” she interrupted. Bill was left speechless.

 

The truth is, he never really thought about that possibility. All he knew was that he loved her and he wanted to build a family with her. But know he thought, if it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. There were plenty of other ways to be parents.

 

“You and I are meant to be parents and you will be the best mother to walk on this earth and you know it.” He said lovingly yet affirmatively.

 

“But what if I can’t have any?” He shook his head.

 

“Why are you so worried over something you don’t even know to be true?” he retorted.

 

“I don’t know, Bill” she said quietly. By now she had stopped crying but she looked defeated and he hated it.

 

“Hills, don’t ever think that way okay? I know right now it’s extremely difficult but we’ll get through this. We always do and we always will.” She nodded somewhat content with the comfort he was giving her. But she also didn’t want to think about it anymore. The pragmatist in her couldn’t really bare to keep on dwelling in the past.

 

Finally, she laid her head on his chest. He kissed her hair as she held onto him tightly.

 

“We should see a fertility specialist.” She said.

 

“I think that’ll be a great idea. But you know what’s even better?” he countered.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“If we went away for a while. Just the two of us. No work. No relatives. No nothing. Just us.” he stated.

 

She looked up at him. “What did you have in mind?”

 

He thought about it for a moment. “Bermuda.”

 

Bill felt her nod as she drifted to sleep. He didn’t know what they would do if they couldn’t conceive. But what he did know was that he would not and could not be without her, that was his one bout of certainty.  

 

-

 

_Remember, everything will be alright_

_We can meet again somewhere_

_Somewhere far away from here_

 

-finish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hillary nonchalantly discusses their struggle to conceive in Living History but I think we all know that so much more had transpired in those times. This is sort of my take on that particular issue. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed reading this!


	3. Your Song

_It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside_  
_I'm not one of those who can easily hide, I_  
_Don't have much money but boy, if I did_  
_I'd buy a big house where we both could live_

 _If I was a sculptor but then again, no_  
_Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show_  
_Oh, I know it's not much but it's the best I can do_  
_My gift is my song_  
_And this one's for you_

_-_

July 11, 2016

 

Bill Clinton sat in his home office in Chappaqua while his wife worked with her staff at the headquarters in Manhattan. They were finalizing their decision as to who to pick as Hillary’s running mate. Content that he had done his part, interviewing—more appropriately interrogating—each of the potential candidates and giving his two cents about each of them, he chose to stay home to tackle yet another task: his DNC speech.

 

This time, he wasn’t the candidate nor was he the surrogate for a sitting president. He was the husband of the first woman to receive a major party’s nomination for president. A history maker. His wife, the love and light of his life.

 

Due to his excitement, he had already drafted a speech back in mid-June right after Hillary secured the nomination. To say that the HFA staff rejected it would be an understatement.

 

_“Mr. President.” John Podesta said exasperatedly._

_Bill’s eyebrows met. “What’s wrong with my speech?”_

_John clutched the stack of papers in his hands. “Sir, you have about 40 minutes to talk on live television…” he started, “Your speech is currently twenty- three pages and you haven’t even touched on her Secretary of State years.”_

_Bill remained silent but his expression shifted slightly. He wasn’t exactly sure what to do. He didn’t know what to cut out. How does he pick which ones to tell the American people?_

_Seeing that the president doesn’t seem too pleased with his critique, John chose his next words carefully. He put a hand on Bill’s shoulder. “Mr. President, I know this must be difficult to pick highlights of her career. But just remember that not everyone loves and adores Hillary as much as you do.”_

_Bill laughed, that much he knew._

The convention was two weeks away and here he was in his office, still trying to figure out how to talk about her in forty minutes. Although the staff offered to help him redraft, he insisted on writing his own speech.

 

But what exactly does he say about the woman with whom he entrusted his life? What does he say about the woman who has saved him—mostly from his own self destructive tendencies—time and time again? The woman who has given her life to him, to their daughter, and to her country. There isn’t a single word that could articulate the way he felt about her. The awe, the pride, and the love. Yet somehow, it needs to be done.

 

Bill took his glasses off and massaged his temples. He looked around the room. There were papers scattered everywhere. Both from his foundation work and sheets of his chicken scratch for the speech. He sat back on his seat and stared at the ceiling for a while when his stomach growled, remembering that he hasn’t eaten anything since Hillary left that morning so he stood up and headed for the kitchen.

 -

  _I sat on the roof and kicked up the moss_  
_Well, a few of the verses, well, they've got me quite cross_  
_But the sun's been quite kind_  
_While I wrote this song_  
_It's for people like you that_  
_Keep it turned on_

_-_

 As he made his way to the kitchen, he paused at the corridor that contained the pictures and mementos of their life together. On a typical day, he would scurry down the hall without so much as glancing at these photos but today, he felt compelled to stop and walk down memory lane. 

 

The first he saw was from their most recent trip to Bermuda while she was Secretary of State. They had decided to get away for a little while and they chose the exact place where Chelsea was conceived. The memories of the sun and the sand on their bodies as they made love on the beach. Her legs around his waist and he breathing hard on top of her as he kissed her neck. A smirk was plastered on his face as he remembered their reenactment, thirty years later. Though they were no longer private citizens when they revisited, they had their own ways.

 

He continued to walk down the corridor and his eyes settled on the picture of them on a hammock. She slept while he read a book. This picture had bittersweet memories but they chose to keep it.

 

It was late 1989, a little over a year after his announcement that he won’t be seeking the Democratic nomination for president. A decision that had been a big disappointment to the people around them including those from all the way back from Georgetown and Yale. At that time, no one truly understood why he backed down. As usual, he used the ‘I need family time’ alibi.

 

In reality, it had been the other women. It had been his demons, coming back to haunt him and he hated himself for it. Although he had promised Hillary he’d change, things only went from bad to worse.

 

_“Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. I want a divorce!” he declared out loud as it echoed all throughout the Governor’s mansion. It had become his mantra for the past few weeks._

 

Bill cringed upon remembering. He looked at the photo again. It was around that time they had started rebuilding their relationship. This hammock served them their first alone time in a long time. A rainbow after a horrible storm.

 

The picture right beside it however, made his heart swell. The photo was taken in 2011 during her tenure as Secretary of State. Her blonde locks fell elegantly on her shoulders and her big blue eyes bursting with pride. Right beside her, was Anabella de Leon, a woman from Guatemala fighting her country’s tyranny and corruption. Anabella in a way, had become like family to them. She had been one of the many women whose lives have been saved because of his wife.

 

_“I am alive because she told me to speak up.”_

_“I am alive because she took a photo with me and now they’re afraid to go after me.”_

_“I am alive because she talked about my work on TV.”_

 

‘Goddamn’ he thought. She was amazing. So beautiful, powerful, and inspiring. Everything she’s touched, she’s made better, bigger, and bolder. How she ended up with some boy from Arkansas, he’ll never know but he thanked God for it. Every hour of everyday.

 

At that moment, something in him snapped. He ran back to his study, all thoughts of lunch thrown out the window. He started redrafting his speech once more. Now he knew what he needed the world to hear.

 

He needed the world to know her ability to enact change.

 

And never get credit for it.

 

He needed the world to know her ability to love and to forgive.

 

He needed the world to know her resilience, her boldness, and her determination.

 

He needed the world to know that she was, and still is the ablest public servant he has ever worked with.  

 

And most of all, the best darn change maker he has ever known.

 

It also wouldn't hurt for the world to know how much he loved her.

 

-

  _So excuse me forgetting_  
_But these things, I do_  
_You see, I've forgotten_  
_If they're green or they're blue_  
_Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean_  
_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen_

_-_

July 26, 2016

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the 42nd President of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton!”

 

Bill took a deep breath before exiting out into the stage. The crowd’s cheers got louder and clearer as he walked farther out into the open, waving his hand.

 

He took in the view before him: a crowd of people gathered enthusiastically for Hillary. Everyone holding “America” signs everywhere as they cheered. Chelsea and Marc seated with Sen. Elizabeth Warren, also smiling.

 

“Thank you! Thank you very much!”

 

He saw a sign that said, ‘Hillary is my spirit animal’

 

Bill laughed and pointed at it. “Yes, yes that’s good!”

 

When the crowd died down, he began his speech. Her story. His love letter. 

 

Although he has given countless speeches in his life, this one he absolutely cannot mess up. He was definitely beyond nervous. 

 

“In the spring of 1971,” he started, “I met a girl.”

 

The crowd erupted with laughter and applause. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in.

 

He hoped he wouldn’t disappoint.

 -

  
_And you can tell everybody this is your song_  
_It may be quite simple but_  
_Now that it's done_  
_I hope you don't mind_  
_I hope you don't mind_  
_That I put down in words_  
_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love Elton John (and apparently so does our girl) so I definitely had to include a song from him. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this.


	4. Winter Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

_By the window up in the bedroom_   
_I can hear the storm come_   
_From many roads away_   
_And it brings the night_   
_If the ones who died sit around me_   
_I hope they're going to stay_   
_And that maybe you'll arrive_   
_In the rain that's rolling in_   
_These summer nights_   
_I feel you on my skin_

_-_

August 19, 1998

 

_“Would you like to meet me in the Chief of Staff’s office?”_

_The intern gave him a look of sweet seduction. “What for, Mr. President?”_

_He simply smirked and said, “See you in half an hour.”_

 

_She smiled and began to walk away. When she did, she raised her jacket just enough for him to see the straps of her thong._

 

-

 

 “And then what happened?”

 

“Hillary—”

 

“And then. What. Happened.” She stated deadpan laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

 

Bill buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know what good this will do.”

 

Her eyes shot at him. “What good will it do?” she shrugged. “It won’t do any. That I can tell you.” Her gaze went back to the ceiling.

 

If looks could kill, he knew he would have been dead. “Baby, please?” he looked at her pleading.

 

“Don’t call me baby.”  

 

“Please don’t ask me to do this.” He choked out. “You are asking me to rip you apart, to hurt you, to torture you with details—”

 

“Of you betraying me. Our family. Our vows. Again.” Each word expressed sharply.

 

He put his head down in shame. “Yes.”

 

She opened her mouth but waited a few seconds before she spoke.

 

“I need to know what you did.” He looked up at her. “I want to know what happened. You want to fix this? This is how we will start. Tell me what the fuck happened.” She balled her fists. “And don’t you dare lawyer your way out of this.”

 

Bill was afraid. For the first time ever, he couldn’t exactly read her. He knew he was walking on thin ice that could crack anytime. But as much as he hated to, he knew he had no choice. He had to tell her the truth.

 

He rubbed his hands together as he tried to keep himself composed. He looked up to the ceiling in order stop the fresh batch of tears that were threatening to fall. He blew out a breath.

 

“It was during the government shutdown in ’95…”

  _-_

_Winter came as a load_   
_Frozen down to the bone_   
_I lived here half asleep_   
_Walking nights to the road_   
_Empty, drunk and alone_   
_In hopes you'd come to me_   
_Before the morning_   
_Before you're running_   
_But why are you running?_   
_Where are you running?_

 -

  _“You know you’re so energetic. I like that about you.” The intern smiled shyly at his sentiment as she buttoned her blouse back up._

_“I’m usually just lounging around on the weekends.” He stated while he zipped his pants back up. “No one else is. If you want, you can come over.”_

_“Okay. I’ll see what I can do.” She tiptoed and gave him one last kiss before walking away._

Bill’s confession was interrupted by the inconsolable, open mouth sobbing of his wife. She thrashed on the bed as she buried her head in the pillows to conceal the noise but to no avail. Her hands covered her chest, lungs desperately gasping for air.

 

He got up off the chair to try and take her into his arms. Tears were yet again forming in his own eyes. As he sat on the bed, he put his hand on her shoulder but she moved away almost instantaneously. He tried to touch her again but she resisted.

“No. No. No.” She managed to say in between sobs. “I can’t.”

 

Her crying only intensified. When he tried to reach out to her again, she bolted and ran to the bathroom leaving him in his own state of misery and heartbreak.

 -

  _Home?_  
 _Once I knew you_  
 _Lay my head upon your lap_  
 _Once I knew you_  
 _In your eyes a calming light_

 -

 Bill leaned on the door, frantically shaking the door knob. “Hillary please open the door.” His voice expressing worry.

 

His plea was met with silence. She had stopped crying just seconds ago and suddenly his worries grew to panic as a thought struck him.

 

“Are you hurting yourself in there?” he shook the knob again. “Honey please open the door! Please don’t hurt yourself. Please! Please I’m begging you. Open the door!”

 

Silence.

 

He took a breath, swallowing his emotions down. “If you don’t open this door, I’m going to break it.”

 

Still silence.

 

“Hillary, you are leaving me no choice here.” He said.  

 

On the other side of the bathroom, Hillary let out a scoff as she got up off the floor to open the door for him. But as soon as she did, he ran barging into the bathroom, hitting his shoulder on the wall then falling immediately.

 

“Ahhh.” He winced from the pain and let out a hissing sound.

 

She looked at him, tears in her face. “Bill, you idiot.” She watched him squeeze his shoulder to try and ease the sting. Suddenly, she started giggling at the sight before her. His gaze met hers.   

 

“Yeah that was pretty stupid of me.” He laughed, awkwardly. However, her giggles grew into laughter that got louder and louder by the second until she was practically out of breath. Tears continued to run down her cheeks.  

 

Confusion etched all over his face. “Hillary?”

 

She sat down on the toilet to steady herself, still laughing hysterically, holding her stomach.

 

Her laughter slowed as she finally caught her breath. “Hillary Rodham. Wellesley grad. Yale Law grad.” She started. “She ‘Would have been the first female president’ they said.” Her head bowed down as the laughter came around again.

 

He was still confused but he remained mum.

 

Her guffaw subsided briefly. “Law career? Check. Advocate for women and children? Check. Most influential _and_ most hated First Lady in history? Check and check.”

 

By now, he knew where she was going with this. “Hillary….”

 

She ignored him. “I should be preparing to help with the mid-terms in November. Instead, I’m sitting in a bathroom crying like a little bitch..” She said in between the giggles.

 

His heart dropped.

 

“…because of a boy!” her head fell back as she burst out into laughter yet again. His gaze lowered. He couldn’t stand looking at her anymore knowing he had broken her. Only this time, he wasn’t sure the damage is reparable.

 

Finally, her cackles halted as her eyes stilled, staring at nothing in particular. She took deep breaths to calm herself down. By now the tears had stopped but her heart was still shattered.

 

She stood up from the toilet abruptly. “We need to get ready for your birthday dinner,” her hands furiously wiping tears away, “I’ll fetch Chelsea.”

 

Before Bill could say anything, she had already turned and left the bathroom. As soon as he heard the bedroom door close, he sat up and brought his knees to his chest and he let out the tears he had been holding in the whole time.

 

He prayed to God they would get through this. But how and where to start? He absolutely had no idea.

 

“Please don’t give up on me, baby.” He whimpered quietly, lips trembling. “I can’t lose you. I really can’t.” He dropped his head and cried. The winter ghosts creeping up on him in the warm, summer night of his 52nd birthday.

 -

  _Once I knew you_  
 _And your hand upon my back_  
 _Once I knew you_  
 _In a life ain't coming back_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to those who write angst on a regular basis. This experience for me has been emotionally draining, especially after reading the Starr report. 
> 
> That said, next chapter will (hopefully) be cute and fluffy. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Side to Side

_I've been here all night_   
_I've been here all day_   
_And boy, got me walkin' side to side_   
_Let them know..._

_-_

 January 2012

 

Huma Abedin paced in front of the elevator while she reviewed the Secretary of State’s briefings for the day. She looked at her watch again. Hillary has never been late. Ever. But today, she was—so far—fifteen minutes late. She looked down on her tablet again.

 

Finally, the elevator doors swung open and there emerged a tired but glowing Hillary Rodham Clinton. Hair up in a ponytail, pantsuit pressed, coffee in hand. She seemed ready to get on with saving the world.

 

As Hillary walked towards Huma, she noticed that the Secretary of State was having a hard time making strides. It almost seemed as if she was trying her best to keep her thighs as far away from each other as possible. Something was amiss.

 

“Good Morning, Madam Secretary.” She greeted her.

 

“Good Morning, Huma. How was your weekend?” She stated as she grabbed the tablet from Huma’s hands. They walked towards her office.

 

“Anthony’s parents were in town to see Jordan so we spent it with them. How was yours?” When Huma saw the smirk plastered all over her boss’s face, she wasn’t sure whether she should be appalled or not. They entered the office and Hillary threw her coat on the sofa.

 

“My weekend? It was…” she grinned. “Wonderful.” She walked over to her desk to sit down but she sat down too quick and the pain hit her. She bowed her head and hissed.

 

Although she had an idea, Huma was a little concerned. “Anything I can do for you, Madam Secretary?”

 

Hillary looked up. “Not really.” She said, opening her purse trying to find her phone. “Are there any important messages for me?”

 

Huma nodded. “The President wants to meet in the White House whenever you are available.”

 

“Okay. If that’s it then you can go. Thank you.” As Huma turned to leave, Hillary called out to her.

 

“Huma?”

 

“Yes?”

 

She hated asking for favors but right now, she had no choice. “I think I left my phone in my coat. Do you mind grabbing it for me?”

 

Huma gave her a questioning look but proceeded to get it for her anyway. The last thing anyone would call Hillary was lazy yet here she was unable to get up and find her own phone. Something was off.

 

“Here you go.” She handed her the phone. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Hillary knew Huma was a little concerned. She was, after all, like her second daughter and not just an employee. “Huma, honey, yes I am okay.” She gave her a reassuring smile.

 

“If you say so.” She began to walk away. “Staff meeting is in fifteen. We need to discuss your trip to Bosnia.”

 

“Alright. I will see you then.” Upon hearing the door slam, she looked through the daily briefing on the tablet. After a few minutes, her cell phone rang. She smiled when she saw who was calling.

 

She picked it up after two rings. “Hi honey. I’ve got a meeting in fifteen.”

 

“Hi baby.” He replied. “Me too. I just wanted to check in on my girl.”

 

She chuckled. “What do you mean check in?”

 

“Just making sure you’ll make it through the day.”

 

She laughed.  

 -

  _I'm talkin' to ya_  
 _See you standing over there with your body_  
 _Feeling like I wanna rock with your body_  
 _And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin' ('bout nothin'...)_

  
_I'm comin' at ya_   
_Cause I know you got a bad reputation_   
_Doesn't matter, cause you give me temptation_   
_And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin' ('bout nothin'...)_

 -

  _He had her seated on the edge of the counter, legs wrapped around his waist, her head hitting the mirror as he pistoned his hardened flesh into her body. Her hands on his nape, and his on her hips, they moved into each other in an almost perfect rhythm. Tongues wildly exploring every crevice of the other’s mouths._

_It had been a long three weeks without seeing one another. Their schedules didn’t match. When she was home, he was away doing foundation work and vice versa. The distance was excruciating but, as the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. The moment she arrived home, they wasted no time ripping each other’s clothes off._

_He pulled his mouth away to look at her. Eyes shut, mouth slightly open and her long hair clinging to her head because of sweat. No one else in the world got to see her in this state and it boosted his ego._

_The speed of his thrusts increased as her moans grew louder and louder. The sound of their bodies coming together filled the bathroom._

_She could feel his balls smack her ass and it turned her on even more._

_“You like that, baby?” he was breathless._

_She panted. “Oh God…I..” He pushed into her deeper. “Ahhh.. Oh.. Yes” she managed to get out._

_“Fuck, I’m almost there. Don’t stop.” Suddenly an idea came to him. He stopped and pulled out of her quickly._

_Her eyes shot open. “Bill!”_

_“Patience, baby.” Without another word, he took her off the counter, flipped her over and plunged his hard dick into her soaking wet pussy once again producing a sound of what sounded like his name. He placed both his hands on her hips as he continued to pound into her roughly. Her head fell as her eyes shut feeling him warm and thick inside of her. He slapped her ass from time to time._

_“Open your eyes baby.” He said._

_She held on to the edge of the sink, unable to speak._

_Bill grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked it up causing her to yelp. He kept his other hand on her right hip. “Open your eyes.”_

_As soon as she did, her arousal grew to new heights. They watched themselves fuck each other senseless in front of a mirror. Breasts bouncing, gazes meeting, skin slapping, it was more than either of them could take._

_Finally, he let go of her hair and his hand went directly to her clitoris, eliciting a new sound from his wife._

_His thrusts were now all over the place as he struggled to keep it together. With one last push, they came, screaming each other’s names._

_As his movements faltered, he moved his mouth to the side of her neck and kissed it and he whispered, “Welcome home, my love.”_

  _-_

“Now, Mr. President, are you checking in because you feel bad or?” she purred from the other end of the line.

 

“Or what?” he sneered.

 

“You’re just trying to measure your chances for another round tonight?” she stated, tone seductive.

 

He whispered as he felt himself harden. “Both.”

 

She inhaled sharply. “I’ll think about it, Mr. President.” He groaned.

 

“Madam Secretary, you will be the death of me.”

 

“Keep this up and neither of us will make it to our meetings.”

 

He laughed. “I love you, Hillary.”

 

She smiled, touched. “I love you too, Bill. I have to go now. I will call you later okay?”

 

“Okay. And Hilly?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Maybe some ice will help?” he stated facetiously.

 

She let out that guffaw of a laughter. “Bye Bill.”

 

As she hung up the phone, Huma entered her office.

 

“Ready Madam Secretary?”

 

She nodded. “I’ll need a minute though, go on ahead.” She knew it will take her a minute or two to even be able to get up from her chair.

-

_I've been here all night_   
_I've been here all day_   
_And boy, got me walkin' side to side_   
_I've been here all night_   
_I've been here all day_   
_And boy, got me walkin' side to side (side to side)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I would ever write a (somewhat) smutty piece but I guess never say never? 
> 
> I wrote this piece because I recently learned the true meaning of this song and needless to say, Billary popped in my head so out came this. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


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